Everyone loves a nice, fat, juicy burger served with fries and a Coke. It’s the perfect meal, the American dream ground up, mashed together and served in a bun. Only problem is, we just can’t stand them anymore. The latest cow-sandwich venture in our increasingly junk food-ized city is The Burger Room, a sleek little joint on that strip of restaurants near the stadium. It specializes in the pairing of burgers and illy coffee, a seemingly strange combination, but consider the lethargy that sinks in after devouring a big mess of ground beef. The burgers here are far from the franchised patties of typical fast food shops, with the extravagant sandwiches ranging from foie gras to lobster to soft-shell crab, and all at the average lunch-worthy prices of $48-$88. We tested out the “classic beef” topped with foie gras, and the strangely satisfying “mushroom duck breast,” both half-pound monsters topped with fresh veggies. Stomachs grumbling, we grabbed the burgers with our grubby mitts only to see them both (both!) crumble to gooey, greasy messes, once again proving the lack of decent buns in our city. The meats were Grade-A and all, and the fork and knife helped, but this isn’t some main course. These are burgers, meant to be consumed with nothing but our sticky fingers. By the way, there’s a Shake ‘Em Buns just down the road.