We got it all wrong. What’s worse, we’ve been doing it wrong since childhood. This whole thing about completing all your multiplication tables, learning grammar, studying hard to get good grades and pass your A-levels with flying colors. No girlfriends growing up, only the extracurricular activities that would look good on resumes. Then ivy league applications, safety schools, no parties, no fun, grad school, eighteen-hour days interning at Morgan Stanley...

Settling for a spouse who’s just good enough. Get that mortgage, a flat in Taikoo Shing. Invest a little, modest returns. She’s pregnant. You need a car now. Another loan. Twins? Spend years in meetings with private schools. Got that new car? Oh minivan, just as well. Drag the ungrateful children to violin, volleyball, Mandarin...

Wait, where did your friends go? Now you’re talking sports with the same kind of people you hated in high school. Finally, sucking up enough to your miserable boss to get a little ahead. Keep filing those taxes on time every year, don’t miss a deadline. Keeping a good, clean line of credit. That’s your number one concern. This is your life.
Well, nearby... Someone else had an answer.

Feng shui wills. Of course, feng shui wills! What were you thinking?? It could have been so much easier. Look, here’s a geomancy course. Spin the little wheel, re-align someone’s furniture. Put a plant here. $688 million, please.

You can dress in black, grow a little ponytail if you want. That’s easy. Oh wait, that doorway is going to interrupt your client’s revenue flow! Look, there goes her wealth straight out the door. Here, with just a little tweak of divination, perhaps you can redirect it to your pocket. No problem.

Oh, and that tree out front? That is interfering with the qi of your zen garden. Of course, one can’t have the qi of one’s zen garden interrupted. Of course. It’s easy to just change the... flow of the qi. Yes, the flow. You’ll just have to dig a few small holes out there, and then drop some bits of jade in them. So there is a little work to it, to be fair. But, on a per-hour basis, it’s even got ballroom dance instructing beat. That’ll be $688 million.

Alas, you could have won. It was easier than you ever imagined.