The merry month of May is here—will you be dancing around the flagpole of knowledge? Or tangled up in the festive ribbon of your own ignorance? Take our monthly news quiz to find out!

1. Banks are under fire for closing branches in low-income areas. How are residents dealing with the change?
A.    Elderly account holders waking up at the crack of dawn, hiking 20 miles barefoot, with crutches­­—in the snow—and arriving just in time for the lunch rush 
B.    Switching business to cute cardboard “BAN  ” set up by enterprising schoolchildren
C.    Just giving all money to Jockey Club, letting them deal with it

2.    A young minister-slash-Christian rapper is claiming to have converted Edison Chen to Christianity. How?
A.    Showing him image of Gillian burned into holy shroud
B.    Turns out Scientologists have standards
C.    Rhymed “Jesus” with “Frees us.” That’s whack!

3.    The Cheung Chau Bun Festival kicks off on Monday. After disappointing many by switching to fake plastic buns last year, how are they spicing up the proceedings this year? 
A.    One in every hundred buns filled with live cobra
B.    Setting fire to stilt child, running relay with it around the island
C.    Special “Free Tibet” bun tower

4.    Controversial new food labeling laws are set to kick in by May 29. What changes are going to take place as a result?
A.    Mars Bars will now contain 10 percent more planetary dust
B.    Blanket ban on Omega-3 products, unless found to contain luxury watches
C.    Soylent Green can no longer be marketed as “Contains absolutely NO humans!”

5.    The Hospital Authority has lost the private data of nearly 6,000 patients. How did this happen and what are the implications?
A.    Clumsy surgeon left memory stick in Mr. Wong; tried to plug kidney into computer
B.    Masturbatory habits of all of hospital’s patients accidentally uploaded onto Facebook
C.    Do you have any idea how much Mr. Wong’s platelet count would go for on the black market?

6.    Many people are saying Hong Kong’s freedom of speech was compromised during the Olympic torch relay. How so?
A.     Patriotic mainland youth were only allowed to turn their megaphone volume up to 9
B.     Safety concerns forced patriotic mainland youth to reduce flag waving vigor by 40 percent
C.     Anyone voicing dissenting opinions bundled into back of police van. Seriously!