May 24, 2012|
The tabloid-dominating case of the tycoon-cum-photographer accused of molesting and blackmailing would-be actors for sex has been capturing our sleazy little imaginations. In the interest of public safety, our Satire Monkeys have put together a list of handy questions that you should ask yourself should you become suspicious that you may be at risk of being sexually exploited by an untoward photographer.
1. You are walking down the street when you are approached by a man claiming to be a model scout. He tells you that you have excellent bone structure and asks if you are interested in becoming famous. You agree to go with him to get some photos taken, because why not? He takes you to:
a) The office of his modeling agency.
b) A photography studio in a creepy, deserted corner of Chai Wan.
c) A hotel room in North Point.
2. When you arrive at the venue, you find:
a) A collection of expensive photographic equipment.
b) A collection of tastefully artistic nudes.
c) 49 pairs of thong underpants and 61,200 sleazy photos of other “actors.”
3. He starts snapping away, and before you know it, you’ve quickly progressed from head-and-shoulder shots to full-body portraits. He asks you to pose wearing:
a) Sexy swimwear.
b) A G-string.
c) A G-string, worn back-to-front.
4. The photographer tells you that his legs are tired, and asks if you would mind helping him to massage them. You:
a) State politely but firmly that you feel that massaging his legs would be unprofessional and would make you feel extremely uncomfortable.
b) Give him a quick massage, but make it as unerotic as you can manage.
c) Bend forward, rub his thighs, put a finger to your lips, wink coyly and pose
for another photo.
5. You start to feel uncomfortable at the situation and decide to leave. The photographer:
a) Offers to put you in touch with some studio execs.
b) Asks if you’d be interested in being a male prostitute instead.
c) Attempts to blackmail you into having sex with him by threatening to put your photos up on gay porn sites.
If you answered:
Mostly As: You are being lightly sexually exploited by a sleazy photographer.
Mostly Bs: You are being seriously sexually exploited by a sleazy photographer.
Mostly Cs: Congratulations, you are on the path to stardom!